Parenting and depression:

Parenting is a hard job, with little or no training given.

When we are in a happy balanced relationship, with well behaved, loving children and a good support network of grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends to help out, it is still a hard job.

We have to make decisions involving our children which will affect our children’s lives.

• We have to keep them safe from harm.

• We have to teach them to keep themselves safe.

• To interact with other people but assert themselves as well.

And much, much more.
This in itself is stressful, but we also have outside influences to add to our concerns. Too much TV? Too much nursery child care? Sleeping in the parents bed?

It seems that it is all designed to make parents feel they are not doing a good enough job. No wonder parenting and depression often go together!

Add to that the fact that things never go right all the time, sooner or later even the best behaved child will accuse you of not being fair, comparing you with the wonderful parents his friend has!

Of course that wonderful family we described is unusual. There are many people struggling to be good parents whilst coping with many other problems. Also many people who are alone with the job of parenting their children. And perfect children? Unlikely!

Under those circumstances, it is very difficult to do the job without a great sense of isolation, self doubt, then parenting and depression become synonymous.

The most important thing, before all else, is to acknowledge this. Many people blame themselves and feel that they should be managing. Try to imagine someone being expected to work in a factory with many different jobs to perform, and decisions to make, with no-one else around, no instruction manuel, and no break day or night! They would resign! They would demand time off, and support. It’s the same with parenting.

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Time off:

The second thing to do is to find help. Who can help? Is there a partner, relative or friend who has failed to see your struggles so far who could be called upon? Don’t be afraid to ask. You need someone to look after your children to give you a break. For an evening, for an afternoon, or, if you have a wakeful baby, for a night. It is not too much to ask.
If you think there is no-one who would be prepared to look after your children, consider taking them to a supermarket crèche, or an activity club. Anything to give yourself a regular break, even if it is to have a cup of tea in the supermarket coffee shop!
You will find that if you are able to get a break, you will be able to think more clearly. You will also be able to return to your children, fresh and more able to cope.


Support:

The next step will be to join a local parent group who meet regularly. Your children can play and you will get the much needed support from other parents. If you don’t like the first group you try, join another. Maybe you will meet someone you get on with and you can both meet up and start a group of your own! Whatever you do, it is vital to have regular adult company, people who are going through similar experiences as you.


Other reasons for depression.

There can be other reasons for parenting and depression which need to be dealt with in different ways. It is always important, particularly if you feel the depression is not caused by outside influences, to consult your doctor. You might find that you have a hormonal imbalance which is causing your depression, which once diagnosed can be cleared up quite quickly.
There are many other reasons for parenting and depression to go hand in hand which can’t all be dealt with here, but certainly, with any form, keeping it to yourself, trying to cope alone, is never the right thing to do.

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www.myparentingportal.com is a site providing parenting tools and techniques to create a powerful, effective and loving relationship with their children for life.

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Lifesupporters.com; your online family friendly personal support forum for issues affecting children to adults.

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For a practical, step by step approach to transforming every area of your Christian life day by day, go to
www.make-my-christian-life-work.com/relationships.html

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SOLUTION CONNECTIONS is a website that offers information about mental health, relationships, and social justice. Additional information provided about therapeutic services and Derek Feldman who is a graduate student in Family Studies specializing in Marriage and Family Therapy.
www.solutionconnections.com

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