Parents who have children with particularly challenging behavior
can often feel depressed and isolated

Some challenging behavior can be particularly difficult to handle and many parents have to cope with this at times.

Children with ADHD, or children who have been fostered or adopted who have attachment issues require a great deal of patience and stamina.

Parents who have to cope all the time, including with challenging behavior in a preschool child, can feel isolated and desperate when trying to deal with it.

• Make sure your child knows you love him. He needs to understand that it is his behavior which you don't like, not him. Show him, and tell him, that when he is behaving/playing nicely you think he's the best kid in the world!
  
  
• Try to avoid circumstances which you know will lead to challenging behavior. Can you make alternative arrangements for your child instead of taking him or her to the supermarket?
  
  
• Make sure your home is 'child friendly'. If necessary remove all breakable ornaments for the first ten years! Keep toys organized. If there are too many toys and nothing they want to play with try putting most toys away and only getting a few out on a rota. That way your children will only see the toys about once a month which will make them seem more interesting to them.
  
  
• Try to plan ahead. If you are going out, give your children a snack before you go so they are unlikely to get hungry. If you know you are going to need the kitchen table soon, encourage them to play on the coffee table so you do not need to move them.
  
  
• Make sure your child knows the rules and stick to them. If however you do not have the time, or the energy to enforce a rule, such as tidying, let your child leave his toys out 'just this once' rather than risk a confrontation at a bad time.
  
  
• Children need routines so that they know what is happening. By the same token they also need to be given some warning of what is about to happen. It is better to tell them that you will be leaving the park in 5 minutes rather than right now! For challenging behavior in young children, with no concept of time, they can be told that they can play on two more things then it is time to go home. They might still object when you call them but it will be easier than trying to drag them away with no warning.
  
  
• Your child will often display the warning signs which bring on challenging behavior. Whether they start to whine, or get cross about something, it is best to try to catch it in time. See if you can help them with a problem, or distract them with something else, even a joke or a funny story! You might just manage to prevent the worst of the behavior from occurring.
  
  
  
• If you ask your child a yes/no question the likelihood is that you will get a 'no': “Would you like fish for tea?”. Instead give them a limited choice to make which will give them a greater feeling of control in their lives: “Would you like pasta or rice with your fish?” Try telling your child what they can do rather than what they can't do. Again give them choices to let them feel in control. Frustration at not being in control is what often leads to tantrums.
  
  
• Stay calm. When things don't go smoothly, take a deep breath and count to five. By showing your child that you can handle the situation with a cool head, you become his best role model.
  
  
• Get support. Make sure you get a break from your children, at least once a week. Ask someone to look after them for an afternoon while you do something you enjoy, and don’t feel guilty about it! You will come back to your children fresher, and more able to cope as a result of your break, so they benefit as well. If you have no-one to look after them, consider booking them into a kid’s club at an adventure play area, or even into a supermarket creche for a couple of hours!