ADHD Teenager
Parenting an ADHD teenager can be a challenge even to the most experienced parents!
Much of the advice on this page can apply to any teenager.
The single most important thing to remember is to plan ahead, if possbible, for most eventualities:
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Curfew:
Your adhd teenager can earn the right to come home at a later time by demonstrating that she can come home responsibly at the time set down. For example, if you have set a curfew of 10.30, she needs to stick to that, for about 2 weeks, before you extend the time to 11.
For an ADHD teenager, small steps are best, with no exceptions made. If your teen comes home after the curfew, you can bring the time back to half an hour before the time they had been given. Make sure your teenager understands that rule and repeat it often. Stick to it, even if at first they break the curfew quite often.
Make sure you always know the answer to the following questions:
- Who is your teen with?
- Where are they?
- What are they doing?
- When are they coming home?
If you always know the answer to these questions, your teenager runs far less risk of 'getting in with the wrong sort' and is more likely to remain safe.
Don't assume your teenager is always telling the truth. Once in a while you could check that your teenager is with whom he says he is. You may feel uncomfortable with the idea of 'spying' on your child, but it is far better this way, than assuming he is safe, and finding out later that he is not!
Homework:
Many arguments can happen over this topic! A lot of parents feel that their adolescent should take sole responsibility for ensuring that their homework is done on time. In reality, many teenagers are not yet able to take that responsibility, and your ADHD teenager, even less.
Establish rules for when homework is done and stick to them. More importantly, as with the curfew, plan ahead for how to respond when an argument occurs. This way you are less likely to act impulsively and will be able to deal quietly and calmly! If you have planned ahead, and can act without getting angry, your relationship is far less likely to be damaged.
Rules:
It is important for your teenager, and you, to be aware of the rules in the house which are non-negotiable. You will probably have strong views on some issues, whether social, moral or legal, which you will not be prepared to compromise on. Your teen needs to have these rules clearly spelt out to them, such as your views on alcohol, drugs, etc. You need to enforce these rules consistently and fairly and impose consequences which your teenager knows about.
With other less important issues, it is a good idea to involve your teenager in the decision making process. They will be far more likely to follow rules which they have negotiated as well. That is not to say that they will necessarily have equal say to you, but as they become more mature they need to have some say over their own lives.
Consequences:
Your ADHD adolescent needs to have immediate feedback and consequences to have any effect. A punishment given long after the misbehavior, especially for a teenager with a short attention span, is not likely to achieve the results you are looking for.
When possible, give feedback on good behavior. An ADHD teenager often gets little positive feedback, and they need to hear what they are doing right.
This alone is not always going to achieve results. Offering incentives, in other words bribing your teen into good behavior, is a positive way to achieve what you want without conflict. Whether you offer your time, an outing, extra pocket money, a favourite meal, all this is preferable to punishment if is possible to find something you and teenager are happy with.
At times none of the above will work and you will need to impose consequences. It is important that you have planned these consequences in advance so that you don't deal out an unfair punishment in the heat of the moment. Make sure your teenager is aware of the consequences before they have comminted the crime!
Above all, remember that your ADHD adolescent has, in effect, a disability and is bound to make mistakes. You need to stay calm and be forgiving, without compromising the important rules. Always be prepared to trust them to do better next time.
You also must remember not to be too hard on yourself! It is hard enough parenting teenagers without ADHD! Always make sure you get a break if things are getting too much for you.
Try to be as positive as you can with your teen. Encourage them, praise and admire them. Be ready to listen to them if they want to talk but don't pry if they don't.
ADHD teenagers often receive a lot of criticism. If you can counter that by showing how much you admire and love them, then you are doing a good job.